"I won't ask you how you are doing."

In response to a recent blanket e-mail, several people have looked at the web site (www.donmcintyre.com, that is) and written to me. All very gracious e-mails from great people.

These recent e-mails have a running theme: "I won't ask you are you are doing, because..."

I'm not sure what to do with this. Should I feel bad because I am obstructing some good activity that people are dying to perform with me? Should I take it as a gentle rebuke that I really am being a jerk? Is it really that hard for people not to ask? If so, why? If not, why does the subject keep coming up? Am I just being so petty that people who generally like or respect me just can't believe it? Or is this one of those seemingly silly and harmless things that, in reality, covers up some fundamental human frailty or glory?

I honestly don't know. I *do* know that people are *REALLY* noticing this subject - more than any other of the things they could comment on from my website. People really seem to *need* to mention to me that they are *not* asking me the question.

I'm really asking. Any thoughts? If you provide some, please let me know if I can print them. Meanwhile, here's how I am doing.

To me, the absolute very worst thing in the world - really - is to be stuck in one of those horrible conversations with someone where you are feeling a combination of insecure and slighted and angry and righteous and victimized and trying to be understanding, and the other person is feeling all the exact same feelings.

Does such a situation *ever* turn out okay? Is there ever *any* reason to try to sort out the mess? And if not, what do you do with the remaining residue?

I want so bad to be heard, but the other person thinks s/he's not being heard either. I think I'm really trying hard to relax and listen, but so does the other person - the one that just seems to be defensive and deaf - which is what I seem to be to him/her. The feeling is so horrible, and here is the real ironic kicker:

That moment seems more *honest* and *genuine* than virtually any other. To me so much seeming happiness or compassion or good feeling just seems like so much phony rot - exhibited by people who just don't want to admit the truth of the human condition - that is, just about everyone.

What a great thing real, full forgiveness is, if you can pull it off.