Hell is other people

I am happy to say that the title of this little note is not a quote of mine. It comes courtesy(?) of Jean Paul Sartre. To whatever degree it may or may not be a useful idea, I think most of us have been conscious of feeling that way from time to time. (The rest of us probably feel that way almost all the time; their problem is one of self-awareness.)

Today's point is that, even though other people may sometimes seem like hell, there is a different kind of hell that comes from the consistent absence of other people. I have been noticing this a lot lately in the classrooms of my adult classes. The principle: people who live too much alone for too long lose (or never gain) the ability to function gracefully in social situations.

The examples cover the whole spectrum of human activity - from the pronunciation of words, to flatulence, to issues of politeness or rudeness.

I have been accused more than once of being socially inept. Sometimes the criticism has been valid. Sometimes the problem is more on the other end. But I shudder to think what sort of public "self" I'd be putting forth today without the people who have cared enough to spend significant amounts of time with me. My wife especially, of course. Mind you, I'm not praising only - or even primarily - the attempts of these people to "parent" me, to "force" change, or to get me to pretend to comply with illegitimate standards. My praise is mostly for those who mostly just - as we say - "stick around." I expect that just their presence - the mirror of their presence - has quite a profound civilizing affect.