Foo is Not Aborted

Foo Lear was not aborted. He survived the passage from salty sea to civilization. Many years later, no longer a leathery newborn, Foo would feel a yellow irony in the fact that two prominant biblical figures are on the record as wishing they had been abortions while political crazies on both sides were missing all the best points to be made about the issue. Many years after his eruption into our world, Foo would freely paraphrase the two prominant biblical figures thus:

Blow up the day on which I was born ... it didn’t halt the opening of my mother's womb ... Why couldn’t I have just died at birth?... Why did those knees open up for me, and why those breasts, so that I was bound to feed off of them? I could have just lain down and stayed still forever... like the dead fetuses they toss into dumpsters, I would simply not exist; not exist, just like those fetuses that never saw the light of day. (Job 3:3-16)

[Expletive deleted] the day I was born! [Expletive deleted] the man who brought the news to my father - "It’s a boy!" ... let that man be conquered like a city that was just asking for it ... because he did’nt abort me. My mother would have been a nice, warm grave! (Jeremiah 20:14-17)

Foo conjured his opinions in support of neither side of the debate. He always thought that each side deserved the other, and really gave the other all its justification for existence. The important thing to Foo - why he would eventually offer up with amazement his biblical paraphrases - was that Foo had, in fact, been born; and even way back in the olden days, to be born was the first miracle, whether it was wanted or not. (Foo eventually got to celebrate one of his pre-existence memories in which partially formed spirits of aborted fetuses got to have a special room in Heaven where they could read bible verses like Job’s and Jeremiah’s and high-five each other at their first big lucky break.)

Copyright © 2004 Donald L. McIntyre All Rights Reserved
Reprinted from http://angussavant.blogspot.com/