The Man Who Needed a Job

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There was a young man in the land of Wuz, whose name was Mawhnajo; and that man was relatively happy and relatively good, all things considered, and he feared pissing anyone off, especially God or evil people, because he knew his life was pretty good, all things considered.

He was fruitful and productive all day, every day of his life. Not being a woman, he could not have children, but he made the best of it, and considered himself fruitful if he simply did good things, enjoyed himself and others, and produced valuable and useful things.

And produce he did; no lazy man was this Mawhnajo! Though he was still a young man, he had given the world seven plays and three operas. Also seven thousand stories and pictures, and three thousand jokes, and five hundred wise sayings, and five hundred satires on old pretentious stuff, and a very great number of people staying at his house without helping with the rent; so that Mawhnajo was relatively useful to have around, all things considered.

And his products went out all over the place, and his stories were repeated, and his pictures were hung up on walls, and his jokes were laughed at ten-fold. And he provided much entertainment at feasts, even if he himself wasn’t there, because he was not only fun, he was fun to make fun of. And when one host told everybody to go home so he could sleep, someone else just moved the party to another location. And if sad things happened, it didn’t matter most of the time because most of the time a fruitful humanity usually prevailed.

And it was so, when the days of feasting were gone about, that Mawhnajo kept up the productivity so that there was always a fresh supply of necessary or extravagant entertainments. and reminded them never to be so good that they stopped being happy, and never to be so happy that they weren’t good: for Mawhnajo said, otherwise there’s going to trouble for all of us. Thus did Mawhnajo continually, and it seemed like pretty good advice to just about everyone, even if it was a bit pretencious.

But one day Satan came to visit the Lord when the Lord was having an open house. And the LORD said unto Satan, I haven’t seen you for a while. Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, I’ve been going to and fro in the earth, monitoring the misery index.

And the LORD - never one to keep a lid on things - said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Mawhnajo, that he’s not doing so bad, all things considered? Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, Yeah, big mystery! Why doesn’t he have to work for a living like the rest of us? But put forth thine hand now, and give him a real job, and watch how we all will have to run for cover.

And the LORD said unto Satan, Behold, I gave him a job, and he’s doing it pretty well, all things considered. And Satan said, you call that a job? No office? No dress code? No supervisors? No complaining about money? No looking forward to weekends, holidays, vacations, retirement and death?

And the LORD said, go ahead and give him all that stuff, and that is the story of the first Job.
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